


White Ferrari

by CapNstuff



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Hurt, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Steve Rogers, Modern Era, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24465610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapNstuff/pseuds/CapNstuff
Summary: Bucky doesn’t know what’s missing until it’s gone.Based on the song “White Ferrari” by Frank Ocean.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 41





	White Ferrari

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely love this song, it’s one of my favorites by Frank Ocean and I love how it symbolizes this young love that ends up just being a good type instead of a serious relationship! Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy! I’m willing to do a second part two if someone requests it.

-  
White Ferrari  
Have a good time  
Sweet sixteen, how was I supposed to know anything?  
-

You and Bucky walked down the streets of Brooklyn, his hand in your back pocket intently watching you as you suck on a cherry lollipop. You giggle, savoring the sweet taste of the medicine like flavored candy and swirling your tongue, watching Bucky bite his lip.

He took a swig of his beer, the condensation on the brown bottle sliding through his fingers. He melts a little when your fingers are pressing up against his shoulder. You felt the stiff leather of his black jacket, smooth under the pads of your fingers. You yelp in excitement as you see your friend, Sam, carrying a case of Heineken, no doubt something he stole from his parent’s fridge. 

Being sixteen and in love was hard. It was hard because young love is a love that’s consumable, makes you feel only of Bucky, and how his hands feel on your body. Young love is making you unable to think further than your love for him and it burns your chest like a river flow of Vodka down your throat. 

At the party, which was located behind a gross and obscure alleyway, you found your friend Nat and Steve making out on the brick walls. You didn’t care, shoving Steve out of the way and pulling Nat into a hug. Steve stalks off, no doubt going to talk to his best friend, aka your boyfriend. Nat catches you up on what she’s done the past week, gossiping about her parents fighting or what that Stacy bitch did in class.

She continued to talk but, after that, you stopped listening to her. You could only see Bucky flirt with some blonde chick. His eyes bright and his lips were curled into a smile. He wrapped his arms around her waist, whispering into her ear. Her laugh escaped against the walls, bouncing into your ears. Nat followed your gaze, gasping as he saw Bucky not so lightly flirting with that woman. Her eyes then flickered towards yours, breaking as she saw the tears in your eyes.

“Oh, y/n. I’m so sorry, I-” You didn’t even wait for Nat to finish, stalking off and out of that stupid alleyway party. You heard your friends calling out to you, wondering what you were doing. Nat whispered into Steve’s ears and he ran up to his best friend, yelling and shoving his body. But you didn’t see any of that. You didn’t even see Bucky’s mournful looks, his head sunken down in shame. But all that you could hear, burning through your eardrums was that girls laugh and all you could see was Bucky's whispers against her ear. 

That thought burned. Scorched and charred straight into your brain. It consumed you, creating a vast crater in the pit of your heart. You slid down the front door of your house, your father crowding around you asking what was wrong but all you could do was shake your head, tears flowing beneath those round cheeks. You wished his love was enough. You wished his love was more than just sex on his motorcycle and arm candy when he brings you to parties. You wished he valued your love. And you hope he did the same.

-  
You were fine, you were fine here  
That’s just a slow body  
You left when I forgot to speak  
-

You sat on his couch, chewing on your lip. You didn’t want to start a fight. You really didn’t but you have to know. You have to. Bucky takes a long drag of his cigarette before his eyes flickered towards yours. You just stumbled out the question, not even waiting for him to be any preparation for it. “Are you cheating on me?” Your words squeaked out more nervously than intended. Bucky knew that was coming, cursing himself silently for being the biggest asshole yet. He pushed you away because he’s never been in love before. He never knew how to act around you.

He sighed, his demeanor turning a little more serious. “Doll, no-” Your eyes flashed with sadness. You knew he had, he just wouldn’t admit it. So, why was he hiding it? “Yes, you have, Bucky. I know it.” The last part you whispered, just wanting him to admit it so you can leave. “Look, doll, I’d-” You interrupted him again, wondering why on earth he was denying his sins so much.

“But, Bucky-” He interrupted you, yelling at the top of his lungs because you won’t let him get more than two words out. “They’re harmless flirting!” He yells, getting exasperated by the whole conversation. He wouldn’t dare cheat on you. Despite his flirtatious ways, he would never do that. 

“Do they know that?” He sighs and flickers his eyes toward yours, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Do they know what?” You didn’t even miss a beat before answering. “Do they know that it’s harmless flirting?” Bucky pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. He shook his head in shame, giving you that answer. “Doll-” “How could you, Bucky? You not only broke my heart but you lead on so many women. You’re a fucking asshole.” 

He put out his cigarette and grabbed your hands, he was now completely serious while watching your facial expressions. “Y/n, baby, I would never cheat on you. I love you.” But this time, his profession of love wasn’t enough. The countless nights that you stayed up, crying because he was sweet-talking another girl. Or he seemed so annoyed by you that you left his arms. Or fighting with each other and him sneering at you, venom pressing against his lips as each word left his mouth.

You never felt good enough. You never felt like he did love you. Despite his words, you had never felt an ounce of love from him. Not like how you treated him, anyway. You looked at him with adoring eyes and gave him the touches of love. He never gave you the time of day.

“Bucky, this isn’t working. I love you but I don’t feel loved.” And with that, you left, Bucky not even saying a single word because he knew it was true. He had treated you like shit.

-  
I care for you still and I will forever  
That was my part of the deal, honest  
-

Bucky still loved you. After a whole ass graduation of high school and four years, he still loved you. He wouldn’t admit it but he did. He was oh so still in love with you, the searing pain of love escalating in his beating heart. Since graduation and you going off to Yale and him going off to the military, he had barely seen you. He used to see you every day, laughing with your new boyfriend, T’challa. His heart ached when you placed sweet kisses on his cheeks and lips. You were seniors by that point, the break up being a year ago. 

You used to do that to him. You used to walk up to his locker and interlace your fingers into his, giving him an opened mouth kiss. His friends would whistle, his cheeks blush crimson but he’d act like it didn’t affect him. Now, you don’t do that anymore. You did that with someone who actually valued you. He knew young love didn’t last but he couldn’t help think that his love for you was greater. He just never showed it. He lost something that he never thought he would’ve lost. 

But now, he never even sees you, only the Facebook posts you make about once a month. For a while, he used training and classes to preoccupy him. Even going into the Iraq war had him quite distracted but sometimes it wasn’t enough. He’d be so sexually frustrated that he had tons of one night stands, trying to forget about your sweet hair between his fingers or your plump lips skating across your skin. He would pick up any woman from Private to Private First Class to Specialist to Sergeant to Master Sergeant. He didn’t give a fuck what their rank was or who they were. He would fuck them senseless on a cot with his cock ruthlessly pushing into them. 

But all he could picture was you. He would think about your pink pussy, squeezing against his cock. Your whines and gasps leaving that delightful mouth of yours or your pretty full lips wrapped around his cock, your red tongue swirling against his tip making him shutter in utter ecstasy. When he was fucking, all he could think about was your orgasms, screaming his name at the top of your lungs, body twitching and yearning. 

Most of the time when he came into a condom, still pushing in and out of a girl he could barely remember her name and he’d get a smack across his chest and a crying girl for moaning out “y/n.” They would immediately leave, stomping out of the room after putting their clothes on. He never blamed them, he was an asshole who missed his first love. He never blamed them one bit.

Steve had also gone into the military, right behind him. Steve would always see how shitty Bucky was to you. He would also yell at him, screaming about how he’s a horrible boyfriend. Bucky would always take it, listening and sulking knowing he was right but he would always turn to his normal ways.

And Steve now could see that love still raged inside of him. He still so obviously loved you and he was destroying himself. Steve never knew what to felt. Sometimes he felt pity, his best friend making himself sick for how he treated his ex but sometimes Steve just victorious. Bucky deserved that feeling. It’s how you felt the whole time in their relationship. Bucky deserves to feel that pain.

So Steve just let him be, hoping his friend could just work it out himself. Luckily for him, he eventually did but that love for you still burned.

-  
White Ferrari, good times  
In this life (life), in this life (life)  
-

Now, around ten years later, you had become quite the politician. When you were in college, you attended so many rallies and protests like BLM, Pride, Women’s March, and so many more. Upon wanting justice for women and advocating for minority issues, you decided to become a politician. You wanted to change the corrupt government. You wanted to help others and put in benefits that help everyone. To try and create equity in the shitty government.

And it was hard. Having not only a corrupt but racist, xenophobic, sexist, and homophobic cabinet, it was super hard to get anything done. But despite the challenges, you’ve been able to raise the minimum wage to $50. You’ve been able to prosecute so many police officers and authorities for police brutality and murder against black communities. You donated most of your money to AIDS organizations and LGBTQ+ non-profits. Even during that time you never stopped going to rallies. You had become quite the leader you had hoped to be.

Today, you were giving out awards to soldiers that were coming home and retiring. Those groups of soldiers had been through a lot, the war in general but also their mission had gone wrong and half of the men had died--including the general. So, the government had gone ahead and told them to go home and offer retirement to those that needed it.

They were lined up on the stage, one by one. You walked up on stage too but off to the side. Your eyebrows perked up as you saw Sam, Steve, and Bucky. You had no idea that Bucky had joined the force. You could tell he’s changed. Long hair was cut back and styled perfectly, eyes had a dull feeling towards them and the edges looked rougher. He looked rougher but he also looked like he’s age. Aged quick well into a fine human being. He was no longer that teenager you met in Psychology class. 

Then your eyes flickered and widened. His left arm was missing, replaced by a metal arm. You stood silently on the stage and then met Bucky’s eyes. Had he been staring at you this whole time? You snapped out of it as your protractor announced your name.

“New York’s Senator y/n would like to commemorate these troops, y/n.” The man stepped off the podium and you stepped up, adjusting the mic before speaking.

He watched those pretty lips, he had no clue what you were saying but you looked damn beautiful saying it. He looked at your hair, neatly perfected to look nice for these old white men. He then trailed his eyes down to your attire. You looked hot, dress pants hugging your ass, and a nicely placed dress shirt that complemented your curves. God, how he missed you. Your smile shines towards the crowd. He could stare at you for eternity.

The whole audience clapped and he someone snapped out of it. You were walking up to the soldiers, placing a medal onto their coats. Bucky’s heart was speeding up, each handshake and each step you took that was closer to his made him want to puke. 

Finally, you got yo him. You stared into those blue eyes, a smile formed brightly onto your perfect face. You reached down and “Thank you for your service, soldier.” The hold during your handshake was tight and it lingered just a bit. You then placed the medal on him, hand still lingering as you swiped the pads of your fingers around the medal. He almost whimpered, the touch just from your fingertips made him weak. He never looked away from you, watching you pin more medals on men’s military coats. God, he missed those eyes, those hands. 

He watched you walk off stage, claps from the audience burst through his ears. Maybe if things were different, he’d ask you to have a milkshake with him sometime.


End file.
